A Diary with a broken condom.

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Characters and events in this story are fictional. If these events and characters resemble real time events, it is purely coincidental. Opinions are generic. There is no Vulgar or adult content involved. This story is conceptualized to highlight use of precautions to avoid unwanted pregnancy and contacting STD.

Div and Ra were newly married couple recently shifted to suburban of Navi Mumbai. Ra works as a marketing executive in one of the reputed MNCs. Div is a perfect housewife, although she is architecture graduate. It was an arranged marriage for them. Their relationship is in early levels of eternal companionship. Both cared for each other.  Although Ra is almost 4 years elder than Div, Div never felt a sense of authority or dominance in his day today behavior. She thought him to be best friend or friend for life instead of a perfect husband.

On one beautiful afternoon, she started cleaning one of his personal suitcases. Ra is fond of reading. He reads a lot. Subsequently he has good classic fiction, nonfiction novels at his ease. He referred Div some old classics for reading from his personal bests. She just cleaned dust on some old leather bag. A black diary fell from the leather bag along with a plastic latex pouch. To her embarrassment, that latex pouch is broken unused condom.

She just grabbed the diary and opened it randomly. A heading reads, “Love you Sa”. That page has some worn out impression of condom pouch on the corner. She checks the date. It shows very old date somewhere 2 years ago.

Div just wanted to ask Ra immediately in pit of rage. However, Ra had taught her very important lesson of patience and perseverance. Instead of blaming, she sat on the corner chair for a while, and calmed down. She thought for some time. Let me read this, before making any decision in hurried state, so she thought.

Ra was open-minded, straight and always true to his words; he had shared all his past relationship with her. However, this Sa chapter is very anonymous to Div still. He could have told this, there is no need of hiding this thing from her.

She started reading the diary with curiosity mixed with rage, doubtfulness.

“Sa, our little angel, youngest of our family, we miss you and love you. She is only girl child in our joint family of my father and his two younger brothers. She is lively child, tender hearted and very innocent. We used to call her “ Sa”. She is that adorable yet annoying little sister who always played franks on me and other family members. Our relationship was somewhat special. She used to share lot of things with me. She is caring, yet strict when it comes to health of each family member.

Div relieved for a while, but her confused mind asked her,” what the hell this condom pouch doing in this diary then?”

Div reads further.

“She considered me second only to her father, my uncle. She said that my qualities somewhat similar to her father. When she had any personal problems, or general woman problem, I am the first one to know it. She soon turned into a young matured woman who could take her own decisions, yet some times depended on me to choose her favorite dresses or favorite eateries. Mine is very big joint family. My father had agro based product business and my uncles are partners heading different market, manufacturing and agricultural supply fields. Every member of the family pondered an extra care and love on her.  I along with my uncle’s sons, my brother and Sa studied in same school up to PUC. She was 6 years younger to me. Her mannerisms are little different now. We brothers very well knew that we have an extra responsibility to look after her, protect her. She also knew that we are always with her to support. This gave her a confidence.

She was in her late twenties, when she confessed that she liked my junior who seems good-natured and earning a handsome salary in an MNC. She introduced me to his probable partner.  Although that youth looked arrogant, she convinced me that he loves her very much.  She said she would marry him once she completes her graduation in BSc and gets a job.

I gave her some valid suggestions and gave a hint to her parents that she is all grown up. Her parents always relied on me for important decisions. I had least concerns on her, since she is mature enough to take her own decisions. I have seen her from childhood; she is determined, strong girl. She was engaged to his love within a year. As marriage date approached, Sa is more nervous and unpredictable. I know somewhere she is not feeling good about it. I asked her. She used to share all her sorrows and happiness with me, this time she is hesitated than ever. Upon my insistence, she broke a shocking news that she has STD (Sexually Transmitted disease) and pregnant of 2 months. His so-called partner hid it from her and utilized her for his sensuous pleasures. When she confronted him for not using right precautions, he said male could do anything and everything. Blame game began.

She was sobbing as if a child missing her dead mother. When I scolded her for not using pill, she said she trusted her love more than anything did.  I convinced her to cancel marriage, abort the baby and get better treatments. Diseased pregnancy can cause lifetime deformities to baby. I knew that kind of STD is curable in initial stages. We met her man and tried to convince him to undergo tests and treatment. That son of devil ditched our plea and blamed Sa as characterless.  He even refused to accept his child. He broke the promise of marriage; he broke all his relationship when we spoke the truth. Does truth is so unbearable! Why society does counts years to accept truth? She had already suffered too much and this characterless thing overburdened her emotional balance. She finally agreed to abort the child. It is impossible to convince a mother to kill her own child. Sometimes we need to take hard decisions, take blame on ourselves. 

She does not want to break heart of her parents. Her parents, in fact all of my family is busy in her marriage arrangements. Unfortunately, I needed to go short trip abroad and I could have missed a chance to convince her to live. I still remember her red eyes when I met her one last time in departure lounge of Mumbai Airport. Yes, it was the last time.  She is yelling like small baby. She wanted me to stay. I said to hold her nerves for a week, once I return I will convince everybody. I knew she could only trust me. I was there in her every fall and rise. When she committed the mistake of trusting a man, I was there. When she broke up with him, I was there. When she diagnosed with STD, I was there.  When she was in wardroom to abortion, I was the only witness. When she is born, when her tender hands touched my small small hands I was there. However, when she hangs herself, I was nowhere near. Otherwise, I would have made my little angels decision reversible. She always accepted my decisions.

When I returned, news of her suicide welcomed me. She did not write any suicide note. I knew the reason why; in fact I know everything she underwent in that week. I think she blamed herself for killing the infant. She is repenting. She has long lost the charm of a confident girl. In last one month are so, her jovialness, her curiosity, her very essence that made her only princess of our family has gone forever.  Whole family mourned for her sudden demise. Her man gave a look as if a major burden is gone. Police closed this as suicide on the fact that, she broke with her man someday ago and was under depression.  Yes, she was in big depression and more than that, she missed her strong pillar that is I.  I still regret why I accepted that abroad trip. I could have found happiness, when Sa could live her life as a queen. I tried my best to conceal all the news from blasting out. When her parents asked, I uttered the same reason as she broke out with her man. I have never shared this to anybody. It may be a one of those secrets, which would forever end with my life.

 Why having a condom or pill in a packet is a taboo or having it means you are not virgin or you are adulterer. When   billionaire like  Bill gate is involved in developing special condoms through his Melinda Gates Foundation to grow its use and to prevent  HIV, AIDS in under developed and developing countries, why we are not concerned about using right precautions. We may trust our partners. However, it is our responsibility to protect our families and ourselves.  Condoms or other contraceptive pills make way for unethical, casual relationships. All these things are there because, we could protect ourselves from unwanted pregnancies, lower the already burdened population growth, to avoid contacting STDs. Everything has its own advantages and disadvantages. Everyone chooses advantages as per his or her convenience. Someone chooses it a way for adultery, yet another chooses it as a way to run away from responsibility of a sustaining the child, and someone in brothel takes it to avoid from unnecessary risk of life threatening diseases.

 All these things give testimony that we are no more controllers of our natures, our thoughts, our deeds and our words. We are still slaves to desires, lust and anger. Today we are more dependent on external things to control ourselves.  No human being is a robot. We are emotional beings. Committing a mistake and learning from it is the basic instinct, which could prosper our experiences thereby lives. However, wisdom, restraint and thinking ability are only characters that human beings have that make us stand apart from other animal kingdom. I remember this passage.

“AhAra-nidrA-bhaya-maithunam cha
samAnam_etat_pashubhir_narANAm |
dharmo hi teShAm adhiko visheSho
dharmeNa hInAH pashubhiH samAnAH||”

आहारनिद्राभयमैथुनं समानमेतत्पशुभिर्नराणाम्
धर्मो हि तेषामधिको विशेषो धर्मेण हीनाः पशुभिः समानाः॥*

“Food, sleep, fear and mating, these acts of humans are similar to animals’ |
of them (humans), dharma (right conduct) is the only special thing, without dharma humans are also animals’ ||

(Note *: Courtesy: http://blog.practicalsanskrit.com )

Sa now dead, taught a wonderful lesson to me. This Broken condom always reminds me of three things in life.

  • “Broken promises,”

If you are giving a promise to somebody or you, No matter what happen to you or somebody, always keep the promise for lifetime. When that son of devil broke the promise to live together, Sa still pleaded to live with him. This is the promise of love. It also taught me love without any expectation. She even wanted to forgive him to live with him. I confronted it is not practical approach.

  • “Being responsible in your deeds.”

Yes, if I commit a mistake or misdeed, sole responsibility is mine. If that mistake opens up to a major problem like Sa faced. I should gather courage to accept the truth and take corrective measures in life to subdue the effects. Today we have lot of things to blame.  When car dashes, we blame car brake instead of our over speeding thrill, when a child becomes addicted we blame gadgets and money instead of giving emotional support to that child.  When student fails, we blame education system instead of understanding a student’s priorities, when nation fails to secure a single gold medal we blame govt, coaches, instead of supporting our own child to make a career in that sport. When we are responsible for what we do, what we feel correct or what we write or speak, probably that way we are responsible for living a better life.

  • “Restraint”

Yes, it is the major part of life. Always we should have control over emotions, anger lust and many more. Someone well said that wisdom should guide a mind, then a body not other way round.

I even started carrying some of condoms, and pills in my pocket. Not because I want to indulge in relationship outside my marriage, but it is for those who go awry and berserk in flow of such feelings.  I have seen the ill effects of hasty relationships.  I have long lost giving advises to people.  Younger generation have proximity to every bit of truth due to this fast growing technology. It is their choice. We cannot enforce our value or ethics on somebody without their consent. However, we can make necessary arrangements for them to stay safe, healthy all the way. ”

When Div finished reading this chapter, her love, respect for Ra enhanced. She could understand now, why her husband is so tender hearted, so responsible, patient and bold at accepting truth. When Ra returned that evening, there is surprise for him. Div cooked his favorite Dish and promised him not to leave her hand anyhow. Ra is skeptical for this sudden unexpected change. When asked, Div did not share the story of sa, Instead she said to have read a memorable nonfiction story on love and sacrifice. Yes, some stories should be a secret to outside world; however, we should follow lessons learned from such stories.


Spread the fun.
%d bloggers like this: